Tapatio89 wrote: ↑March 1st, 2016, 12:14 pm
Hello!!
It has been a long time I have not been here. I am a Latino man (Mexican) married with a Oriental woman (Japanese). I am having issues in my marriage right now. About two months ago, my wife and I got into a huge quarrel that involved from both sides physical and emotional abuse. She then grabbed the knife and threatened to kill herself. She got out of the home and the neighbours saw her. To make the story short, she left home and she took all of our money and is now at a Japanese hotel in Mexico City where we currently live.
I felt devastated and fell into a big depression. And to make things worse, my landlord at the time because of this incident, gave me a week to move out of her place as the entire neighbourhood saw my wife with the knife. Had to sell some things I left in the US with my sister´s help to move to another apartment.
Now, I am seeing a therapist who specializes in couples therapy and also taking mood stabilizers prescribed by my psychiatrist as I admit not everything in this relationship is her fault. Even I got a weekend job as a real estate agent to prove her financial stability.
I admit her culture and mine are very different as I never expected she will be very resentful because I hit her the first time in my life and I stood up more than a year her physical abuse as she got angry over the littlest of things. As a Latino, we Latinos in general do not hold grudges nor we are resentful as those types of feelings are looked down in Latino/Mediterranean culture. But, I noticed with Asian people, they tend to hold grudges quite long. I am trying to prove to my wife that things will be different at home, but she told me in a few weeks, she will start living together but only once a week to see how good I change my flaws. I told her it is unreasonable as this is only judged by living together everyday, not only coming once a week. But she says that she will increase the time period as she feels more comfortable with me until living again together permanently. I agreed to it, but she does not want to tell me when we can live together again nor the time period to test this. As a Latino, we tend to be suspicious type of people, and I see this as she is not trusting and calculating. Unlike in Asian cultures in which being calculating is even seen as good, Latinos we look down on calculating people, to the point we do not trust them at all as trust is VERY important for us Latinos.
Also is the jealousy part. My wife does not understand that Latinos we are jealous type of people, and that for us, showing jealousy means we love the girl or man deeply. For her, she sees it as controlling or treating her like property, whilst for me, that is not my intention. She basically wants me to act Japanese man, but realistically and logically speaking, I am not Japanese, I do not look Japanese nor I grew up in that culture or that mentality. I told her there has to be a compromise between the two, but she only wants to do her way. I find her way very close minded and it is a perfect recipe for disaster. I never expected Asian people to be very close minded. And this is not racist as I have worked at two Japanese companies (my current company is Japanese), and all the Japanese I have met are very close minded and think they way of doing business works in Mexico when it does NOT work at all. Latinos we tend to be more open minded, however, we will not tolerate a foreigner getting clever and act superior. I feel my wife thinks her culture is superior to mine, but fails to realize that her way does not work in Mexico nor with a Latino man. I have tried to be flexible to her ways, but she does not want to be to mine, not even in two things. Heck, she does not even want to learn about why Latinos think and see things like this, only she believes her way is the right way.
I want your advice, and especially from a forum member married to an Oriental woman. How can I win her again and for her to not be resentful? How can I show her I truly love her based on her cultural views of love? My wife I do not think she is aware, but Mexicans, when we love truthfully, we are willing to adapt to the other person, no matter the costs. If she was with an Asian or Anglo-saxon man, it might not had been the case as they usually do not tolerate her behaviour nor bossy women. My wife likes Latino or Mediterranean features and passion, but she also has to understand the culture and mentality.
I am not the stereotypical Latino man or husband who is womanizer, drunkard, controlling, macho. I am very committed to my wife and I love her to death,and will try to save my marriage no matter at whatever cost. I just hope someday she can see this, and not let her resentment and close mindedness control her.
I especially would appreciate the advice of the forum owner Winston who is Asian-American and although I know you are not typical Asian, you are very familiar with the culture and mentality. I thank all of you with anticipation.
Cheers
